just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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