Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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