im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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