You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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