Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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