went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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