I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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