I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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