I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When are your genitals available?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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