You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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