I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ketchup is God's man juice
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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