I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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