He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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