you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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