Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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