the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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