I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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