I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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