...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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