If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
tell me about the fingering
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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