I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize