Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You ruined the universe
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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