one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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