Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize