Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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