dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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