True but thats because hes a fetus.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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