I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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