apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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