I must be too annoying 4 u.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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