god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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