you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize