awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you had me at cake vodka
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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