Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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