Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dignity is for republicans.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize