i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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