I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize