i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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