I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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