pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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