How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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