May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't deserve a penis
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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