I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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