upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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