I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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