That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize