once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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