Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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