First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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