Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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